Samantha Joppe's Blog

What is this?

samjoppe — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 06:05:19 +0000

I do not know. There are days where I would rather crawl into the sand than sit on this train or even dream. It leaves me drained, I lay still believe and it will get better. It will not. Why does hope exist for me? Maybe that is the exhaustive part, this waiting and wretched hope. It leaves a bitter taste while you wait alone. Oh, the pitty party! Hope, hope, hope, hope! I want no further part init if I feal like this. Leave me to my draining, alone to be pittied by no one. It is as it should be.

Voices

samjoppe — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 22:21:30 +0000

Wake up. You need to stop living at night and function within this reality. You aren’t a nut case. No matter what the voices in your head tell you; the day is the place to spend your currency and the doctor is right, those brain waves work fine. Medication, therapy and a good dose of good night and sleep tight may help you with that reality check. Do you ever think that maybe you have it all wrong and the rest around you are correct, for once? Whatever. Wake up and sleep at night. Function during the day and do not listen to the voices you hear during the day. No one will listen to them any way. No one listens to you so why listen to them.

Hatred

samjoppe — Sun, 23 May 2010 21:57:25 +0000

It’s a wanting feeling, a burning within to do physical harm to you in such a way that I would need to leave and never come back. It sounds like a novel you read that turns into a predictable action packed movie we will forget in a year. But I loathe your existence. Distain for your breathing and blood pumping body does create in me a nudge to find you and silence every sound you make. What have you done to me? The aggressive nature flourishes in you to be sure your loved ones have a full understanding of how low you think of them our place in your world. We grasp this well when your voice raises and hands dances. Now it will be your turn when our graceful voices express ourselves and our hands let you know your place once and for all. It goes to show how bad your vicious nature pushes a gentle nature to a cruel beast. Are you happy with yourself when everyone hates you to the point of deaths door?

Dreaming

samjoppe — Sun, 16 May 2010 06:49:40 +0000

I do not have gods to pray to or idles to worship. I have dreams. They are colorful and vivid. Many nights I will watch a movie, other nights I am living another day time adventure. The lucky mornings are when I can remember and the exhilarating ones are when I can understand their meaning.
Blood shot eyes. Heavy limbs and a brain which does not want to comprehend; I am crippled with exhaustion and no understanding in the morning.

In the Beginning

samjoppe — Sat, 15 May 2010 20:24:05 +0000

“There is no truth here in this house. This house is full of lies and filth. That is what I tell everyone. Why not? It’s the truth as you and I know it. Besides it doesn’t matter and it won’t matter soon anyway. You won’t speak soon. You will be calm and peaceful in your artificial rest. It doesn’t matter what I say and who listens. You will sleep soon.”

Patricia, sitting in her king size blanket is rocking to and fro in a state of numb paranoia. Words are not getting into her head in this state, as they never do. Larissa’s grey eyes locking only into her own hands never bother to notice and the words continue to flow. They rush out in anger and in jealously as if they could somehow change her situation for the betterment of them both.

“Please listen to me. You need to clean up. Get in the shower and get dressed. I will call a cab so you can stay somewhere else. He needn’t know where you are. Forget what I just said. Let me help you, I was just angry. Listen to me! I will be right back. I will start a bath so I can wash you up. Ok?”

Larissa’s long legs stumble about the hall to the bathroom where the whiteness and interior are lacking and raw by comparison to the remaining rooms in the house. Larissa tears open the cabinet under the sink to find bath wash to make bubbles. A strong lavender scented bottle can overwhelm the senses and hopefully bring her mother around at least enough to get her clothed and down stairs into a cab. The clear shower curtain leans flush against the wall so with hands trembling, she grabs the knobs to get hot water mixing with the bath wash.

As she waits for the tub to fill, she stares into the fogging mirror. The features fading are of a younger version of a drugged, older version in the living room. They cry. Do they need to look like that, Larissa cries inside? However she knows no voice will answer.

Completely out of view, Larissa walks back to the living room to persuade Patricia into the filling bathtub. There is no rocking to and fro. No speaking or moaning.

“Mom! I need you get up with me. We are going to get ready to go out. Can you try with me? Mom? Come on mom. Mother!” Larissa’s arms wrapping deep into the blanket to locate her thinning mother to pull her out. She wants to hear her breathe; she wants to hear her scream or cry and so fights to get her out of the blanket. Patricia’s skin is pale and cool compared to Larissa’s franticly warm, shaking hands. Pulling and tearing at the blanket she, more or less, rolls her mother off the blanket to get at her. Patricia’s head bobs about from shoulder to should, her arms lending no assistance to her freedom.

“Momma, I have a bath going for you so you can clean up. I thought this would be good for you but I NEED for you to wake up to take that bath!” Her upper body is now out of the brown folds of warmth and Larissa’s strength is shown pathetic when attempting to lean that upper body against the aging tan leather couch. Instead Patricia’s skeletal structure now represents that of an aged banana falling to the waist side.

“MOTHER!” Slapping her face with as much might as her trembling hands can possibly manage she realizes she is failing at her attempts to make her mother regain consciousness and bring her back to a lucid state of mind where Patricia might possibly accept the help she so desperately needs.

As Larissa looks down at the limp body of her mother, it hits her. She can’t do it on her own.
Her mother has gone too far and even she cannot help her this time. Larissa screams again at her mother in a known wasteful attempt then crawls to her backpack sitting beside the couch.

“911. What’s your emergency?”

“My mother has overdosed and I can’t get her to wake up!”

“What is your address?”

“134 Wakefield Ave. 06845”

“How long has she been unconscious and do you know what she took?”

“She was last conscious, at lease semi, about 15 minutes ago. I think 20. I don’t know. And she’s been known to smoke crack, snort coke with pills I don’t what they are and lately she said she was experimenting but I couldn’t get her to tell me what. Please, PLEASE help me! I can’t get her to wake up this time!”

“Please calm down ma’am. They are on the way. Do you know how many times this has happened if at all?”

Larissa looking at her mother who still hasn’t changed pleads with the operator. “I know of two times where she faded in and out but it wasn’t like this. I really don’t know what she took this time and she isn’t changing! Where are they?”

Larissa’s hands, shaking and gripping the phone, her eyes stare at her mother while she rocks back and forth. There is no bath, no operator in her ear. Just her mother who will not respond and her body which rocks, back and forth, and waits.

The paramedics arrive only a few minutes after the calls begins and walks beyond Larissa to the obvious patient slumping against the couch.

“They are here. I should let you go. Thank you ma’am.” Larissa’s hand holds the phone as her eyes stares mutely at Patricia’s pale skin. The words came as forcedly as her as it holding the cell phone. She neglects to hear the words of the operator or the click of the phone. Nor does she feel the arms of another human touch her hand and take the phone. Her eyes stare mutely where Patricia lay.

Defective

samjoppe — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 20:06:46 +0000

I am a defective, an individual made incorrectly in the eyes of humanity. I am an experiment for doctors; to tinker with and learn from and maybe to make a new or just to tailor. I am missing, disproportioned and damaged. You will not watch me die. Having my years find flaws and add noxious fumes and poisonous visions won’t destroy me either? I am left alone in my head without understanding and comprehension with only a means to the pills and mending’s as these I realize I will experience to keep my life fulfilled. No one mentioned this to me when they said I was sick. They did not tell me that my disproportioned body would cause the agony and poison. They only said I was sick and lacked knowledge to tell me why. They can’t even tell me where this sickness will take me in my aging. I feel my sickness; I feel my awkwardness within this skeleton. I cannot complain and I shall not want but the pills and mending’s to lend to my life’s fulfillment. What else can there be or else you will watch me die and this cannot be the act in which you will participate in.

2009 Year in Review

samjoppe — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:55:06 +0000

A year in review for 2009 is all over the television. It makes me wonder what my year in review would be like if I looked. Should I look? What is your year in review and would you be proud when you saw back?

I have achieved and neglected. There are things to do and things I have done. I have travelled and have mastered the couch potato form. There are things I have said and too many have let slide down, silenced. I lack the appreciation of people and inner feelings or expressions. Pride is felt and hugs are share. Contradictions are abundant for 2009.

I want less contradictions; it looks too desperate or sloppy. One or the other, maybe both. The plan is this.

I will…
Express more both to myself and to those around me.
Articulate what I mean so I have no fear to express it.
Read more.
Write more. (and mean it)
Take less bull shit from people.
Travel better.
Accept my personal flaws and accomplishments. I can accomplish things.
Do not be afraid.
Assist more around the house.
Nederlandse leren beter!
Run. Run. Run.

It’s a start. It may get better. Everyone has a resolution or plan for the New Year. They look back and assess. This is the new plan after assessing their brilliances and pitfalls. Well, I did a little.

Black Path

samjoppe — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:51:38 +0000

Where are you? Your head is torn and haunted. The heart is beating at a rhythm alien to you. Questions; so many questions. I want to feed you the answers but I can’t give you what you want to hear. I do not know what you want. I love you. Your lost soul makes me burn inside and cry for you. I cannot fix you! I can only tell you what I have done; I can only speak of what history has dictated. Why don’t you listen? Monetary value holds you down or is it the fear of empty spaces and mistrust? You have been down this road before and I fear as you have hated this road and made your like black from this road, you will now not stray from it. You question and question and yet to do not listen to those you talk to. Why do we bother? It is only your black road and bleeding heart you must listen to and mend, if you choose.

Security at Schiphol Airport (Amsterdam)

samjoppe — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 18:02:32 +0000

We went through security in Amsterdam International, Philadelphia Pennsylvania, and Miami International and on the Cruise Ship on Carnival Glory. We had to take off from Amsterdam, stop off at Philly before landing in Miami. The security was atrocious! The most security we went through was in Amsterdam and on the Cruise Ship. I read about the Nigerian who flew from Nigeria with a stopover in Amsterdam to Detroit. He actually managed to smuggle the necessary means to attempt to blow up the plane. All he managed to do was catch himself on fire and scare everyone else however. He still managed to smuggle the fireworks and explosives on board from Nigeria and Amsterdam did not find it. Great job! To know I use this airport yearly, sometimes twice yearly and family and friends use it. Hell, millions of people use it daily! The Dutch government will look into this matter and the security will be tightened at Schiphol Airport. They mention that security will tightened but not where, that is it needs to be tightened with flights that are stopovers and don’t get that much attention normally. This was the problem with this flight in particular and no one has made mention in these articles.

I personally don’t mind extra security. I don’t want to be on a plane with a man like that. Just be sure that America, Holland and other countries put the security in the appropriate places. Don’t waste money and time.

(CNN Nigerian attempts terror attack)

US Airways Reply

samjoppe — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:50:12 +0000

Here is the e-mail I received back from US Airways. Ultimately, it is a long apology and rather reads like a template with inserted details but I could be wrong. I am surprised they wrote back and in a relatively short period of time to be honest.

Dear Mrs. Joppe:

Thank you for contacting Customer Relations at US Airways. We appreciate hearing from our customers and having an opportunity to address their concerns.

Please accept my apology for the disappointing service you received with your recent flight on US Airways. Our customers deserve a pleasurable experience each and every time they fly with us, and I am sorry this trip did not meet your expectations. Your comments regarding our service are important, and we appreciate your taking the time to tell us about your experience.

I apologize this experience with our airline was not entirely satisfactory and appreciate your bringing this incident on December 05, 2009 to our attention.

Contrary to the behavior you witnessed, our Flight Attendants are specially trained to be sensitive and attentive to the needs and concerns of our customers. Given your description, this employee’s actions were not reflective of our commitment to providing quality customer care. It is very important we create a positive, lasting impression with our customers.

The details you have provided will be instrumental in helping us improve our service. I have documented your experience for review by the relevant supervisory staff and appropriate In-light Manager. Additionally, this incident will be discussed with the employee and handled internally. Because of the right to privacy under the federal Privacy Act, we are unable to provide information regarding the outcome of our review process.

Your comments and concerns have been documented and will be shared in a written report to our executive management team. This report is a capsulated record of all passengers’ concerns regarding our policies and procedures, and I can assure you that your comments will not go unnoticed.

Mrs. Joppe, we believe that our customers’ feedback is a vital link to our continued growth and success. Additionally, we look forward to providing a more pleasant travel experience on your next flight with US Airways. We appreciate and value your business. We’re working hard to earn your continued patronage. I sincerely hope we have an opportunity to restore your confidence in our service.

Sincerely,

Anna >>>>

Representative, Customer Relations
US Airways Corporate Office